An unconventional attraction

Dearest teacher,

Before I begin with what could be the biggest shock of your life, I request you to read this with a mind devoid of any tension, fear or love for your spouse. Also, my endearing teacher, take good care that there is no Tom, Dick or Harry around who is dying to set his/her foul hands upon this letter, for in no case should the confidential information be heard by the undesirables.

I clearly remember the day when my eyes first set upon you. It was as if Goddess Saraswati herself had descended from the heaven! Never before had I seen such a beauty, such an amazingly crafted body wrapped in the most charismatic saree ever produced on the face of this earth. I stood there, gaze transfixed, amazed by the sight before me. Forgive me, oh my beloved teacher, but I have researched a lot on this peculiar behavior of eyes and have found no kind of non-contact force which pulls a teen’s eye towards a female’s body. Everyday, when you came to the class, I couldn’t help myself scanning your body from top to bottom – Your hair, so straight, so shiny, like thin strands of glittering black diamond. Your skin, so supple, so very pale. And your eyes, my adorable teacher, Ah! What can I say about your eyes. Sometimes I think I’ll drown myself in the vast oceans of tranquility your eyes retain.

Do not think, oh the queen of the gorgeous, that I try to flatter you. No, no, my beloved teacher. I’d rather cut my tongue than speak such lies to you. All this is true and I feel it from the bottom of my heart. Yes! Yes my dearest teacher. I LOVE YOU! I do! I loved you since the day I saw you. I loved you when you gave me a big zero in my exam. I loved you when you made me run about like a naked chicken around the school. I loved you when other children made fun of your teaching style. I even loved you the day you cried after tumbling in a Children’s Day performance. But why then, my cherished teacher, is this love a half-baked strawberry pie? You only taught me, Newton’s third law of motion, that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. But then, why haven’t I received any reaction from your side? Please, my beloved teacher, do not let that poor bloke’s (and the apple’s) hard work go in vain. Please do not try to defy the laws of physics. Help me balance this mysterious equation of love. Forget about that obnoxious little husband you’ve got, and give this man a chance. Let this be the first ever teacher-student matrimony that ever took place. Let me be the man you love, and I’ll show you how everything falls into place.

Your student turned admirer turned lover turned husband (hopefully),

Char foot do inch

P.S. - Waiting desperately for your reply. Just a brief yes or no will be enough. There’s no need for you to leave your hand’s imprint upon my cheek.